Muslim Life Hackers

Hannah El Ghashingi: Navigating Singlehood and Finding Allah

• Mifrah M • Episode 11

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In this episode of the Muslim Life Hackers podcast, host Mifrah Mahroof chats with Hannah, a life coach and teacher, about her journey to finding her husband. Hannah opens up about overcoming societal pressures and self-doubt, transforming her mindset, and discovering love through yaqeen (certainty) in Allah's plans. This episode is packed with insights and inspiration for single Muslim women. Don't miss out on this heartfelt conversation!

Timestamps:
02:25 Marriage Journey and Personal Growth
03:31 Coping with Loss and Finding Faith
06:48 Shifting Mindsets and Making Dua
09:48 Recording the Journey and Finding Courage
12:40 Reframing Expectations and Embracing Change
21:52 Mindset and Self-Reflection for Single Muslim Women
22:29 Challenging Negative Beliefs About Marriage
23:39 Building Self-Esteem Before Marriage
27:06 Changing the Conversation Around Marriage in the Muslim Community
30:36 Personal Journey: Meeting My Husband Online

About Hannah El-Gashingi:
Hannah El-Gashingi is the founder and Head Coach at SHE Empowerment Coaching. After the sudden death of her mother, Salwa, in 2018, Hannah went on a journey to rediscover who she was now that grief took hold of her life. She discovered the powerful world of coaching. The Business name SHE is made up the initials of her Mum, Salwa and herself Hannah El-Gashingi.

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🏖️ This episode is sponsored by Sisters Explore, a company I founded to offer guided small-group travel for Muslim women to connect, explore, and enjoy faith-centered journeys. Learn more at http://www.sisters-explore.com

Disclaimer: Some links in this description are affiliate links.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

I'm going to show Allah that I have that yaqeen and that strength, I'm going to get up I don't know when I'm going to meet him, but I'm going to do, I'm going to go, I bought him a jumper. And then two months later I met him. SubhanAllah

Mifrah Mahroof:

​Assalamu Alaikum, Hannah. Welcome to the show.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Wa Alaikum Assalam. Thank you so much for having me on board. I really appreciate having this conversation with you today.

Mifrah Mahroof:

I'm excited to hearing the insights that you have. So Hannah, let's start off with an introduction. What do you do? And, tell us more about yourself.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Beautiful. So I was born and raised in Australia. I lived there my whole life until the last year or so. I'm a high school teacher by trade. I was a high school teacher in Sydney for about six years, and then I came across the wonderful world of life coaching. And I always thought, First, that life coaches were like wannabe psychologists. So I was like, what are these people? I never knew really much about life coaching until one day I decided I'm like, oh, okay, let me just inquire. I remember I heard someone speaking. They said there were a life coach. This is really interesting. I didn't know a life coach speaks about self esteem and things like that. So I'm like, I love personal development. I've always loved personal development. I didn't know life coaching was part and parcel of that. So I looked into it. I fell in love with that. I signed up for a course, and two years later I became a coach. I studied it. I fell in love with it. And then I decided, in a nutshell to transition out of teaching, and go into my business full time to helping Muslim women. So part of my work when I was in Sydney at the time was I was working with Muslim women and I was also working with schools. So I was going in as a school consultant and working with school leaders. I was working with teachers, our parents and students, helping them develop wellbeing frameworks and programs within the school to to support students, parents and staff, because sometimes the focus is, Oh, Hannah, like when I would go in and I help our students, that's well and good, but I also need to help your teachers. And I also need to support your parents. So I think it's a whole package. Long story short, which we'll talk about in a little bit more depth, I think later on. I met my husband online, decided that I wanted to marry him and then moved out here to the UAE. And so that's where I've been in the last year, married to my husband here in the UAE, literally in the desert, Alhamdulillah. And yeah, that's the nutshell summary about who I am or where I am at the moment.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Nice, nice. Well, I know that, a lot of people online know you by your podcast actually. So you have a podcast called Finding My Husband and you share your journey and share insights about being a single Muslimah and then finding your husband and that whole, it's not an easy journey, right? So, tell me more about that.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Wow. Okay. Where do I even begin? This is such a long story, but. I'll share it all. So for the longest time, I felt almost ashamed that I would, that I was never in a relationship, like never been in a relationship with someone, like usually you have people talk about the haram relationship they had as a teenager, or the person that knocked on the door and, they got to know. I didn't have any of that. And a lot of that I felt I internalized that and I'm made that mean that I'm not good enough, that what's wrong with me. If all these people around me are getting married, my friends are getting married, they're having babies and here I am so single, no one's ever knocked on my door officially. So what does that mean about me? So I carried a lot of shame on internalized that to mean that I wasn't good enough, until Alhamdulillah, a lot of things happened. My mom alm, passed away in 2018. And while that shook me to my absolute core, and I miss her, and the grief is still, the grief doesn't ever leave you because you still miss them. There's still life milestones that you go through that you really do miss them. Losing my mom taught me a really important lesson. And I always knew this lesson, but I never really internalized it. And that is, no one loves you more than Allah. That feeling, human love is always temporary. It's always going to come and go. It's always good. They always has an expiry date, but Allah's love for you never expires. And so that gave me this feeling like, Oh wow. Oh my God. Allah loves me more than my own mom does. it was such a profound. Realization. It really hit me. I'm like, wow. And my mom's love was an extension of Allah's love for me. The fact that my mom loved me so dearly was Allah placed that love in her heart for me. And I got to taste it. So that was one element. So I was coping with an internalizing the death of my mom. Then I came across the world of coaching and I was like, wow, this is what coaching is about. I didn't realize that coaching helps you understand who you are. It's not meant to like, You don't need to go to a life coach if you have psychological illnesses, because that's what a psychologist deals with, mental illnesses. That's not what a life coach deals with. A life coach just helps you understand who you are, why you have the beliefs that you do. And so when I was studying life coaching, I also got a coach myself and I realized, wow, I have so many blocks around marriage. I didn't realize I had all these blocks around marriage and all of that. And so it shined the light on, you know, I was focused on the external world. Like, why am I unmarried? Is there something wrong with me? Like I was looking so much on the outside world that I didn't really look internally to think, well, how can I uplevel myself? What beliefs do I hold about myself that are actually holding me back in this process? So I started working with my coach. I love her. Her name's Amira. I still work with her till now. Three years later, I'm still working with her, Alhamdulillah, and so. I just lost my train of thought, but that's okay.

Mifrah Mahroof:

So how old were you at that time? So you were like worried about marriage and, being single at that time. And so,

Hannah El-Gashingi:

for a long time about being single. So like in late twenties is when I started to hit like, Oh my God, but like everyone else around me is getting married. Everyone else around me is having babies. Because generally in the Muslim population in Sydney, usually the girls get married much younger. And so to be of a certain age for me was like, Oh my God. Like, and I would go to weddings, a lot of pressure. I'd go to weddings and people would say Al Balik, in Arabic, that means like, Oh, until you next. And for me, when people used to say that I used to want to stab them in the face of just leave me alone. Why are you putting pressure on me? Why, why, why? Until like, there was so much unresolved feelings that I needed to cope through until when I started working through all of my baggage and all of my stuff, when people had said to me, Abalik, it changed. It was like, no longer feeling, Oh, why are they telling me Abalik? It turned into, Yeah, it wasn't triggering anymore. It was like, Oh, they're trying to show me some love. They're sending love to me right now. They're sending me some love. They're wishing love on me. And so it changed my perspective, SubhanAllah, which was really beautiful. So I put that all together. And then a third thing was that I did Sheikh Mohammed Sharif's visionary course, about Dua. I had already done it earlier, much earlier in 2011, I think it was. And then I revisited it again in 2021, 10 years later. And it was just so incredible to uplevel your dua and to know that you can ask literally like instead of asking a lawyer like, give me a husband. You can uplevel your diet with so much yaqeen that Allah SWT will open the way, like it shifted my perspective rather than a dua being please give it to me rather than, it was so exciting making dua for that thing. I was fully living it, so like breathing my dua, I'm like, yes, I had so much. It shifted that when I was coming to making du'a, rather than that feeling of doubt, or will Allah give it to me, it shifted to Allah will open it for me, there's no way Allah is going to turn me away. That's what I did, and part of that was I said, okay, I'm going to show Allah that I'm doing my work. Yes, ultimately it's up to Allah when and how and all of that, but I'm going to show Allah that I'm doing my bit. Like Hajar AS when she was alone in the desert, just with her baby, she just sit there and give up and say, oh, it's okay. It's too hot. I give up. And now that I live here in the UAE, I appreciate fully what it's like to be in a hot desert. So, SubhanAllah, she did not give up. She She She got up and she was running back and forth. And SubhanAllah, Al Fattah, Allah's name, the opener, opened for her a way that she could have never imagined. Zamzam underneath the foot of her child that was gonna last until the day of judgment, SubhanAllah. So I feel like the story of Hajar is so significant cause when we got to Umrah and Hajj, we have to walk her footsteps, literally have to walk her footsteps. So I feel like there is such a huge meaning. For us in our lives as a Muslim, that we also need to follow the metaphorical steps of Hajar as well, her yaqeen, her strength. And so that's what I decided to do. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to show Allah that I have that yaqeen and that strength, I'm going to get up and I'm going to run. So what am I going to do? I'm going to go out, I'm going to buy my husband a present. I don't even know who he is. I don't know any of this details. I don't know when I'm going to meet him, but I'm going to do, I'm going to go And years him. before you actually got married to just? So the first, 2021, I bought him a perfume and then 2022, I bought him a jumper. And then two months later I met him. SubhanAllah, actually one month later after Ramadan, I had met him. So SubhanAllah, like Allah's planning was just so unbelievable. So that one element was me going out and buying those presents because it gave me the butterflies of excitement. I'm like, I'm going to go out and buy my husband a present. I don't even know who this guy is, but so exciting to buy my husband a

Mifrah Mahroof:

present. Yeah.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

And just also made it real, one day I'm going to hand this physical item to somebody as proof that Allah SWT opens the way. And then the second thing was like, okay, this was in 2022. I'm like, you know what? why don't I also record a podcast of my journey? I don't know, it's going to be very clunky. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I'm just going to record a weekly progress or fortnightly progress or monthly progress. However often I'm going to record this, just how I'm going. Because one day, because I was so certain that Allah was going to open the way for me, I'm like, one day someone will listen to this. And I know that there are so many single Muslim girls that are in my position that would love to hear somebody go on the journey. So I'm like, why don't I just record the journey and just however many episode it takes. So I started recording the journey.

Mifrah Mahroof:

very courageous and brave of you because the whole thing that I've noticed, when you're in that situation is there's so much shame attached. There's Oh, I'm still single. So I might as well just disappear out of the community. Right. And like for you to actually go out there, have a podcast and share your journey out in public is like, where did all that courage and vulnerability come from?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Honestly, it just came from knowing who Allah is. Honestly, that's what it came down to knowing who Allah

Mifrah Mahroof:

So it was that certainty that, Hey, Allah SWT is going to answer me. And so what I'm doing is just part of the journey.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes, exactly. It was just felt like it was the right steps for me. I knew it in my depths of my heart that Allah is Al Fattah. He's the opener, and he's Al Waqeel, the trustee, the one that you give over to, and he says, I'll take care of it. So I'm like, if I'm giving it over to the trustee, what else have I got to lose? Just go for gold, Hannah, just Go out there and put yourself out there. And SubhanAllah, that just gave me

Mifrah Mahroof:

you can take.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

lot of trust, yeah. And SubhanAllah, it just, rather than make it such a journey of dread, it makes it a journey of excitement. And I think that was the biggest shift for me. Previously, if my mum would come up to me and say, Hey, Hannah. Previously, before she passed away, I have someone for you. I'd be like, Oh, ma'am, that was my first reaction. Mom, no, like rather than afterwards, it was like, okay, I'm open to getting to know people and put it, and telling my family, telling my dad, telling my brother, telling my friends that, Hey, listen, If you know anyone, please let me know. And that again was a huge step for me because previously I'd be like, oh, I don't want to look desperate because I was scared. You know, the guy's supposed to chase the girl, right? Yeah. So SubhanAllah, I had all of those, ideas that the man has to be the one chasing the woman. He has to be the one that comes up to the woman. The woman can't go up. But SubhanAllah, what do we talk from Khadija RA We know the story. Khadija RA and the Prophet SAW, just her courage to just know what she wants and she goes after it, I think is so brave and so beautiful. And so I think that's the lesson as single Muslim women we need to take on that this journey can be so beautiful and so exciting. You can choose if you want to, how you want

Mifrah Mahroof:

it to be Smaller. It's like those choose your adventure books. You'd

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes. Oh, beautiful. Exactly like that. Choose your adventure, and it's such a beautiful journey because I feel like, one of the wrong questions that we ask is when you're getting to know, when you're saying, Oh, I'm on the market, the first question people ask. So what are you looking for? Tell me. And I feel like, I

Mifrah Mahroof:

question.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

I feel like that question is the wrong question to ask. I feel like the first question I'll tell you why. I feel like the first question we need to ask ourselves first is, who do we want to be as the wife that we want to be on this journey? I think once we answer that question first and choose to go on that path of becoming this woman that we want to be as this future wife, then we'll know who's compatible for us. But if we're trying to answer the question, who do we want first, before we ask, who do we want to be? We put the expectation that we need to find the perfect man. And if we find the perfect man, then we're going to have a happy life. And we negate our role and our contribution in the discussion. So I feel like the first question we do really need to ask ourselves is who do we want to be and where are we going? Once you know that, answer really well, then you're going to know who you're looking for. You're going to know who you want to attract because you're also on that journey, if that makes sense. So I feel when we flip that question, it becomes really empowering because It gives you the ability to start walking the path of the life that you want and the marriage that you want because marriage is something that you co create with you and your husband. It's not like if I find the perfect husband, then my marriage will be perfect. Absolutely not. so it puts the

Mifrah Mahroof:

yeah, the cause and the effect.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes,

Mifrah Mahroof:

It's like we assume that if that's a cause, this will be the effect, but who says that would be the case?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

not at all. Exactly.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. so if I understood you correctly, you were saying to get clarity on who do you want to be? Not, what kind of wife you want to be, right? Because that would be a different question.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes. So who do you want to be? In this life journey, as a person, and then also, who do you want to be as a wife, by default, in that journey? Because you take on a new identity, yeah? A new identity is as a wife, when you choose to get married, InshaAllah. So, who do you want to be as a wife? How do you want to show up as a wife in this beautiful relationship that you do want to have? So, answer those two questions, go hand in hand, I believe.

Mifrah Mahroof:

And then it gives you a different answer rather than, who are you looking for in a spouse? if that was a case, if you answered those questions, then how did you answer the question when people did ask you, who are you looking for in a spouse, when you went and asked around?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Because I had already answered that question for myself, where I wanted to be and who I was looking for, the answering, when people did ask me what I'm looking for, I was so clear and it wasn't some huge list and it wasn't something massive. Like previously, if you had asked me when I was 19 years old, Hannah, What are you looking for in a partner? I would have given you something so long, so big. And so just so unreal, something that's made up in a fairy book, I believe. And so when I answered that question a whole 10 years later, it was so clear about who I wanted to be, where I'm going, where I'm walking currently, and who I wanted to compliment on that path. So that became so clear. It was like clear cut. It wasn't some fluffy imagery. Oh, he's got to be blah, blah, blah, blah. It was so direct of exactly who I was looking for. Like

Mifrah Mahroof:

I see. So by

Hannah El-Gashingi:

type of man.

Mifrah Mahroof:

question this question actually made more sense, more clear and concise.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes. And it became more real because you're like, I'm on the journey to this pathway in my life. So I want somebody that compliments me on that journey. Somebody that's also sees that same vision. And it's the example that I say in the podcast, you're deciding where the destination you want to go. Imagine you're on a rowing boat, you're deciding the destination you want to go first before you choose who goes in the rowing boat with you. And so once you have the destination in mind, choosing the person that really wants to go in that same destination makes the rowing so much more complimentary. It makes the rowing so much more of a journey that you do together. Because imagine if I'm rowing to a mountain with you, Mifrah, and you didn't really want to go there, you want to go to the other mountain, then we're going to be

Mifrah Mahroof:

Hmm.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

it's just our life, our boat is going to go opposite.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yes.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

in our lives. So

Mifrah Mahroof:

and the boat's not going to go anywhere too, right? So no

Hannah El-Gashingi:

it's not going to go anywhere. It's going to go in circles. It's going to be exhausting. You're going to just, it's just going to be very tiring. So once you know exactly where you want to go or in a way where you want your life, what sparks you, what's your vision for your life, it becomes so much easier to answer the second question that comes later on. Okay, so who compliments you on that journey? What type of man compliments you on that journey? So, I

Mifrah Mahroof:

guess in your case, when you figured that out, then you're okay with actually leaving us here in Sydney and going to Dubai.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

SubhanAllah, it was a big, SubhanAllah. It was such a

Mifrah Mahroof:

right?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

huge,

Mifrah Mahroof:

so far away.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

SubhanAllah. And, it wasn't on my mind. In one of my coaching sessions, I remember my coach asking me, this is before I met my husband. She said, so are you okay with, say this husband that you're looking for, right? The one that you're very clear about lives overseas. Would you be okay to go overseas? And my first answer was like, no, never. I had so many blocks around it. And then I had to take a step back and like, okay, let's reanalyze what's really going on here. And then when I did actually meet my husband online, and then I was like, Oh my God, this is the exact situation now. Do I really want to pursue something? should I even consider this? He's overseas, all of that. So having the discussion with my dad, Subhanallah, really helped open my mind to so many possibilities of like, Yeah, why not? if this is someone you believe complements you, then why not? why limit yourself in geographical terms?

Mifrah Mahroof:

Wow. So in doing that introspection, you found out that, location wasn't as important to you as you initially thought it was. SubhanAllah. That's amazing.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

It is subhanAllah because I thought, how can I be a good daughter? If I leave my dad, my mom passed away, so how can I just leave my dad yet? How can I just leave my brother and my sister in law and my nieces and nephews? How can I just leave them? So I had to reframe what it means to be still a supportive sister, still a supportive daughter, still a supportive auntie without physically being in the same time and space, so subhanAllah. I had to reframe that. It's Well, yeah. What does it mean to be that? How could I still show up as that supportive daughter that I want to be, et cetera?

Mifrah Mahroof:

Hmm, that's very powerful insights when you really think about it. It sounds like you've done so much work on yourself until you came to that level. I know that one of the things you, mentioned was like a very big reason, You might not be married. So when I say you, I'm like referring to, listeners who are listening to this and feel like, look, I'm stuck. I'm single. I really want to get married. And one of the things you mentioned is that it's the mindset. So it's a mindset that's stopping you from getting married. So it's as though you're saying it's our fault.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Oh, is a big word. It's our journey. It's our journey. Cause SubhanAllah, it is Our journey. It is our mindset because mindset is everything. How you come into a situation, SubhanAllah, It changes how you look at it, how you show up. So for example, I showed up to this podcast, I'm like, oh, I don't want to speak to Mifrah. Oh, this is going to be so hard. Then it's going to show up physically how I show up in this conversation. My energy, my excitement levels, all of that will shift. But SubhanAllah, if we come into a situation with our mindset elevated, Then we get to enjoy that part or that stage of that journey of our life. And SubhanAllah, it's like I'm really grateful. And I say this from all depths of my heart. I'm so grateful that Allah planned my life exactly the way he planned it. That I got married at the age I got married, that I went on this journey. Like I'm so grateful because it's made me show up. differently as a wife, Alhamdulillah. It's made me show up differently in this stage, in this journey of my life. So yes, this mindset was so crucial in shaping who I would be as a wife. So yes, I'm so happy that I did this work and it was hard and it was confronting at times because I had to face sometimes things that I didn't want to face, things that I buried in the past beliefs about myself, but. SubhanAllah, as a result of that, I showed up, not just as Hannah, a better, as the wife that I wanted to be, but I showed up differently in my relationships with my dad, for example, so it was such a gift that I could be who I really wanted to be in the relationships that I was. That was really important to me, not just this marriage that I really wanted. So I think it's just like such a beautiful gift that you can give yourself just by working on who you are and your mindset and your beliefs and your values, just knowing all of this, SubhanAllah, just, It enlightens you and empowers you to make the decisions that just light you up. Instead of feeling confused about a decision, you feel so clear and you've got so much yaqeen of the direction that you want to go. So yes, I believe mindset is everything. And yes, the more you work on your mindset, the more elevated you'll be in the better relationships that you have within yourself and with the people that you love. Yeah.

Mifrah Mahroof:

So would you say for someone who is single, just asking that question to themselves, what can I learn in this situation that I'm in right now? And how can I grow and elevate my mindset? Yeah, exactly. So many questions you can ask yourself if you're currently a single

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Muslim woman like, so what are my beliefs around marriage? What do I really believe about marriage deep down? Do I believe marriage is really hard? If I believe that, then I'm already coming into the discussion already defeated feeling that our marriage is going to be so hard marriages and or maybe you tell yourself, Maybe there's no good guys out there, that already

Mifrah Mahroof:

a very common one.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Huge one huge one and I had believed it at one stage But that actually just holds you back so much and that limits the possibilities from you actually meeting really great potentials and really great matches. Maybe they're not the one that you will marry, but it allows you to be open. It allows you, rather than, Oh, there's no good men out there. You've already closed your heart off. You already closed yourself off to the world. So when you come with this openness, SubhanAllah, it gives you this ability to, okay, there is so many possibilities. So yeah, there are so many wonderful questions you can ask yourself. So what do I believe about marriage? What do I really believe about men? What do I really believe about the getting to know process? who do I want to be? What's my vision for my life? What are my values? All of those questions. What are my strengths? Like. When I had grown up with a lot of self esteem issues, as a teenager, and I had made so many conclusions about myself that are really heartbreaking. I drew the conclusion that I'm ugly and that I'm fat. And those are the beliefs that I used to say to myself. And that hindered my process in my early twenties, when the idea of a potential was mentioned to me, Am I beautiful enough? Am I skinny enough? And so when we work on also in our self esteem, we come into a relationship loving who we are rather than looking for our partner to make us feel good. Because at the end of the day, our partner is also a human being, to expect them to solve our self esteem issues it's just never gonna work, right? it's just not going to be a nice relationship because they're going to always feel like you never believe what I say. When they say, Oh, you're beautiful deep down and you're going to think, I'm not really beautiful. Are they just saying that? And so subhanAllah, when you work on yourself and you work on the beliefs about yourself, you come into the relationship so much more empowered and ready to contribute and allow someone to see you for who you are because you love who you are. I know loving yourself is such an airy fairy term. That's chucked around on social media, but what it really means is that you see yourself as this beautiful creation of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and you're allowing somebody else to fully see your beauty rather than coming in, feeling your lacking or your minusing, I don't know how to use the word, but you're like deficient in some way you're coming in.

Mifrah Mahroof:

needy in. a

Hannah El-Gashingi:

a whole person. Throw us

Mifrah Mahroof:

Hmm, I see like needy in a way, because if you can't give to yourself, what, if you can't love yourself and accept yourself and appreciate yourself as a creation of Allah SWT, then getting that from someone makes you very needy at that point.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

it does. And it just, it balances the whole relationship and it just not the relationship you are really searching for. So when you reflect and you ask yourself these beautiful questions and you discover these wonderfully delicious answers, your mindset completely changes and looking for your husband becomes such an exciting journey.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yeah, a hundred percent. Because it's like, you're always going to be on this journey, like with this journey of appreciating yourself and these mindset shifts and getting closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So it's not that getting into marriage is going to solve all those problems.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes,

Mifrah Mahroof:

married, those problems are still there to solve. Yes, 100 percent, and there are new things that you learn about youself and marriage.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

that's why we're taught that marriage is half of our deen, because there are way new things that pop up that you didn't realize about yourself that you only realize about yourself when you're in a relationship, SubhanAllah. So, when you do the base work before getting married, then it sets up the foundation really nicely for you. So when you're in a relationship and then you learn way new things about yourself, then SubhanAllah, you've got the essential tools already. You've got the essential building blocks.

Mifrah Mahroof:

True. Yeah, that's a really important point. I wish we just had more of that discussion, especially in the Muslim community with like young women and stuff. Cause there's just so much pressure, shame around this. Oh, after you reach a certain age, why are you not getting married? So instead of growing, you just want to shrink. That's it. And you just want to shrink and hide away or something. And that's very sad. It is very sad. It's one though.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

It is so sad. When, you enter a marriage and you're really not prepared, then you're going to really struggle in that marriage. Like you will struggle in that marriage because marriage is all about having the essential tools. You need to have essential tools. So we really do need to have this conversation way earlier with both our boys and our girls from a younger age about really who are they as a person, and also, like what does marriage actually mean when we have all of these discussions and subhanAllah, I think it sets the base and the foundation because like I've seen it, like for example, my students that's in grade 12, they've got a timeline in their head. Like I'm going to finish school and I'm going to get married and I'm going to have babies at this age. And they tell me the ages. They used to tell me the ages at this age, at this age, at this age. Yes. So they had their lives planned out. Right. I was one of those people as well. When I was in high school, I had my life

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yeah.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Mifrah Mahroof:

we were all said. It's like, you just get taught this is it, right? Alhamdulillah.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

you have to tick boxes, and it's

Mifrah Mahroof:

then you realize, no, it's not like that.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

that at all. It's not like that at all. So I think if we, have this conversation with teenagers about, it's not about ticking boxes. This is not what life's about. It's not about this timeline, this rigid timeline that you need to have it in a certain time. I think we just alleviate so much pressure off our

Mifrah Mahroof:

I totally

Hannah El-Gashingi:

agree. I know. Right. And it's just like, you don't feel like, Oh, you're falling behind. Like what falling behind? What is falling behind?

Mifrah Mahroof:

that concept? What is it, right? Yeah.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

It's such a horrible feeling to feel like you're falling behind. It feels like you're internalize it to make it mean so many things about yourself that you're lacking and unworthy in so many ways. But SubhanAllah when we re shift it and we get rid of that concept in our brain, we're like, this is my journey. This is my life journey. Yes. I have a different story for everyone else.

Mifrah Mahroof:

and, also getting married is a rizq from Allah SWT. And Allah SWT chooses when that rizq is going to come for every person.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

He does. And in the

Mifrah Mahroof:

different, right? And yeah, exactly. And I think that's the thing that's not understood in our communities. It doesn't like, one person can be trying their best to get married, putting themselves out there and doing all the right things, but it's not happening. And it's not their fault. You know what I mean? And then making them feel bad about it isn't going to make anything product, like going to make anything happen. Really.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

no, It's just gonna set, it just regresses back our community, right? Just, it doesn't move us forward

Mifrah Mahroof:

exactly. Yeah. I really believe that, single Muslims, MashaAllah, have so much to contribute to our communities and when they're left feeling small and, just like, Oh, I'm worthless because I'm not married. There's like, we're losing so much as a community. Like they

Hannah El-Gashingi:

yeah.

Mifrah Mahroof:

many things to offer, that's what

Hannah El-Gashingi:

So many things to offer. They're so educated. Most single Muslim women, if you're looking at the Sydney population, single Muslim women that are over the age of 25, they are educated, they're working, they're contributing, they're volunteering, they're helping out. MashaAllah, they're incredible, they've got so much to contribute. And so I'm with you. Like we need to reshift that conversation rather than why aren't you married yet? Like.

Mifrah Mahroof:

I know. I know,

Hannah El-Gashingi:

a member of the family and you can actually, like, this is where it gets really frustrating. Don't ask the question if you're not actually a person that can actually assist in the process. Don't ask, mind your own business, unless you're a person that can actually assist them in, getting to know someone, expanding their web of potential. Apart from that, just mind your own business, that's what I say.

Mifrah Mahroof:

true. I guess one question that I did want to ask is you mentioned when you were saying you met your husband that you met him online.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yes,

Mifrah Mahroof:

So that's not something that's common in a lot of communities.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

not at all.

Mifrah Mahroof:

with that?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Oh, so I had a lot of beliefs around meeting people online. I'm like, ew, it's

Mifrah Mahroof:

Hmm.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

What is

Mifrah Mahroof:

it's

Hannah El-Gashingi:

this? How do you know if they're even genuine? How do you know they're not like Tinla Swindler guy? If you've ever heard the documentary about Tinla Swindler. So I had all these beliefs about. online. I'm like, no, I'll never do that. That's what I had told myself until SubhanAllah went out to breakfast with one of my family friends. She had gotten married like a year before and I'd never asked her how she got to know her husband or I was just so excited cause I knew she was single for a long time and she was wanting to get married and she finally met him. So. We were so excited for her. So anyway, me and my friend were out with this family friend, and then my best friend randomly asked his family friend out of nowhere, we never asked you how you met your husband. And then she's like, oh, I

Mifrah Mahroof:

Hmm.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

met him online. I was like, what? Really? Online?

Mifrah Mahroof:

you are like shocked.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

I was like shocked. I was like, but he's such a good guy. Like, cause like I met her husband, like he's so genuine and kind. So it took out all of these images of what online people look like, and then she told me about the process and then she's like, how do you should consider it? Why not give it a shot? You know, and then she was telling me about the different apps and you know why she likes apps, these apps better than the others. And she just gave me some

Mifrah Mahroof:

tips hmm.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

After I had that conversation with her, my best friend looked at me, Bismillah, let's set up your profile. I'm like, am I actually going to do this? Should I do this? Is this the right move? Let me pray istikhara. Let me see, SubhanAllah. And then I had a conversation with my dad about it. I'm like, Hey, listen, because he knows specifically this family friend. So I'm like, look, this family friend, do you know how she actually met him? She met him online. He's like, Oh, wow. That's amazing. That's cool. I didn't know that. I'm like, yeah, but I'm also going to put myself on this app as well. He's like, yeah, go ahead and do it. Do it. I fully support you.

Mifrah Mahroof:

wow.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

was like,

Mifrah Mahroof:

That's like,

Hannah El-Gashingi:

I've got expected

Mifrah Mahroof:

it. That's the sign I need. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

at night without my mom. So like to him, for him to say that, and I really believe that my dad reached that point because he could see how hard I was working on myself and our relationship shifted so much in those last couple of years and months. When I was going through my own journey. And so my dad could see, and he trusted my judgment because he could see how hard I am working on myself. So when he said, yeah, go ahead and do that, he trusted my judgment, he didn't even need to say, don't do anything haram or anything, because he knows the standards and the values that I have for myself are very high. So he encouraged it. And so, yeah, I downloaded, two apps. One was called Muz and one was called Salams. And I just, I was like, Oh my God, I have to put a photo of myself. I have to put a profile description of like, what do I say about myself? All those thoughts went through my mind at first. there was a moment of, that moment was so real. So beautiful. It's

Mifrah Mahroof:

so I had a friend who I was like telling her, get online. So she's like, Oh no, I'm scared, and then she's like, I'm scared to put it on my card. So we made her an account and I put on my card and then she's like, I don't want anyone to see the statement. But

Hannah El-Gashingi:

that she had a friend. She had a friend that she could lean on. It's so beautiful.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yeah. it's all part of the journey at the end and like the tools that we have to take advantage of it. So Alhamdulillah, but I must say like your journey of getting in the process of finding your husband, it's so beautiful how you were able to grow as a person. You were able to get closer to your own brother and your father. And I think that's so beautiful, and now you're married and it's like, it would have been so, like you were saying earlier, like Allah swt planned it exactly when it was the right time.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Exactly. And in the most beautiful way, in a way that I could have never imagined, subhanAllah. So like, just having that trust that Allah's got you and that he's going to do beautiful things for you in your life. It's just, oh, like it just removes all of the what ifs. Those what ifs get just chucked down the toilet because you're like, I've got a lot. What do you mean these what ifs? I don't need those what ifs in my life.

Mifrah Mahroof:

yeah, SubhanAllah. All right. Well, look Hannah, we're actually close to the ending of this interview. So I want to start asking you the question that we ask all our guests. So the first one is what is one life hack that has improved your life?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Oh, yeah. Okay, first thing,

Mifrah Mahroof:

of this journey or marriage.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

okay, The life hack that just came to mind is learning about Allah's 99 names. Once you learn about Allah's 99 names and internalize it, your life just gets so much

Mifrah Mahroof:

power, how do you actually go about with that? were you going through classes, or were there books, or?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

beautiful. So I was actually doing a Series. It was a Ramadan series by Amr Khaled. He's an Egyptian da'ee. He did this beautiful series of getting to know Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And every day of Ramadan, he would release a series talking about a different name of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So that really sparked my journey of, Ooh, I want to know more about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's names. And then I delved even deeper. There's a beautiful book series by Sheikh Ratib Al Nabulsi. It's all in Arabic. So I can't like my Arabic reading is very slow. So I need somebody to read it for me, but SubhanAllah, and this also got an Arabic series on YouTube as well, where he goes through Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala's 99 names. So going on that journey was just so beautiful. And there was also two books, Imam Al Ghassani and his, Hiyat Ulumuddin. It's been translated into English. He's got one of his volume is about Allah's 99 names. There was another book. It was just a little book about, it says 99 names of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la. And you open it and it just gives you this book. beautiful summary of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's names. Maybe I just haven't found that it's not as many resources in the English language about Allah's names as much as there are in Arabic. There's a whole ocean of knowledge, in the Arabic language about Allah's 99 names. So honestly, for me, it was just dabbling in all of those different resources that I could come across about Allah subhanahu names. But really, I believe that changed my life. When you know who Allah is through his 99 names, your life just gets leveled up. And although, it's like life can be difficult. we get tests, everyone has their own tests. And so when you lean on Allah's names in different ways throughout your life, then, Your life just becomes beautiful, even in the hardship, even in the waiting period, if you're waiting to get married, or if you're waiting to have a baby, or if you're waiting for something, a job, or whatever, that waiting period becomes beautiful because you're leaning on Allah and His specific 99 names. That's what I recommend. That's, I think, the best life

Mifrah Mahroof:

That's beautiful. Awesome. I love it. So what's a book that has helped you. It can also be a video or an article that's helped you level up in your life.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Oh, that's so hard. There's too many books. There's too many videos. I don't know, Mifrah. Too hard. Like,

Mifrah Mahroof:

Just give me one that comes to mind or even one that comes to mind recently.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Oh, okay. So I've always been fascinated in relationships, very fascinated, even since I was a little girl. When I was in the process of getting to know my husband, we would do, courses together, and the work that I really love is of the Gottman Institute. They have a lot of beautiful video courses and they have a lot of resources and books. So I've really enjoyed reading, and devouring the content of the Gottman Institute because it just teaches you so much about relationships that, and there's another book that I really love, it's by Dr. Sue Johnson. I've got the name. It just flew out of my mind, but Dr. Sue Johnson and the Gottman Institute. Those are, if you are looking to get married or if you're in a relationship, I would highly recommend looking up those two places. So dr. Sue johnson.com and the gottman institute.com. They've got so many beautiful resources that just get you to look at relationship. What you can bring into a relationship and essential tools that are needed in a relationship. So, yeah, I would highly recommend that. And that's what's changed my life and has helped me come into my relationship with having the tools. Alhamdulillah. There's always more tools that I need to learn and there's so many areas that I still need to level myself up in. Alhamdulillah. Just beautiful having these resources at my fingertips.

Mifrah Mahroof:

True, but the fact that you know what you don't know, that's actually a step forward because sometimes we can be caught in a, I don't know what I don't know.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Yeah, 100%. And when we're caught in the I don't know what I don't know, it just invicious cycle, right?

Mifrah Mahroof:

just

Hannah El-Gashingi:

only way to out of that is by learning and by just like, okay, well, I'm just going to learn and see what's out there.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Yeah, true. Alhamdulillah. All right. And, where can our listeners find you?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Beautiful. They can find me, I'm on Facebook and Instagram and there's my website, She Empowerment Coaching and my website SheEmpowermentCoaching. com. They can send me a message on Instagram or Facebook or through email on my website. And I would love if they've have any questions or if they have any insights I'd love to share with me, I'd be more than willing to, InshaAllah, discuss with them. So

Mifrah Mahroof:

And also,

Hannah El-Gashingi:

me there.

Mifrah Mahroof:

also have your podcast as well, Finding Your Husband.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

I forgot about my podcast just now. Thank you. Finding my husband on all of the platforms.

Mifrah Mahroof:

called Finding My Husband. So that actually, brings me to ask you, Hannah, when's your last episode coming?

Hannah El-Gashingi:

It's coming soon. That's all I can say. I can't give you an exact date, but it's not forgotten. I know there's been a lot of people that have messaged me like, Hey, what happened to your last episode? I'm like, I promise it's coming. There's been strategic decisions that I've made, in order to delay this episode. And Alhamdulillah, Allah's timing is so beautiful. Now it's so clear for me, like why this episode is even more delayed. Like when you see the release of the episode, you will understand fully what I mean by

Mifrah Mahroof:

that. Everything will make sense. All right. I am looking forward to what to

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Alhamdulillah. So, like, all good things take time, Alhamdulillah. And I'm so glad that I took my time with this final episode, Alhamdulillah. Likewise,

Mifrah Mahroof:

That's, really good. I'm looking forward to listen to it. And may Allah accept everything you're doing, Hannah. It's so great to speak to you today.

Hannah El-Gashingi:

Khairan for this beautiful conversation. May Allah reward you for hosting these beautiful, important conversations with people. And JazakAllah Khairan for having me and for thinking about me.

Mifrah Mahroof:

Thanks so much.

Mifrah:

Hey everyone. That wraps up another episode from the Muslim Life Hackers podcast. I really hope you enjoyed our chat today. I've got some great takeaways. if you like what you heard and don't want to miss out on our next conversations, hit that subscribe button on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening to this from. It means a lot to us, and it helps us reach more people who can benefit from this show. Thank you again for tuning in. Until next time, keep striving and getting better every day.

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Mifrah Mahroof

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